Comfortable in the Uncomfortable
Getting used to discomfort is essential on the road to realisation. Not because realisation should be about a life of abstinence and giving up the comforts of life, but to see through the illusion of comfort being ‘good’ and discomfort being ‘bad’. These are labels which the mind has come up with to create polarity in our world and our mind. To keep us chasing the ‘next moment’ rather than being able to Be in what Is.
If we look at our lives and the way in which the world has taught us to ‘cope’ with life, it’s always about looking outwards, outside of ourselves to ‘fix’ what is ‘wrong’ in our experience.
But what if there is nothing to ‘fix’? What if it is all exactly as it is supposed to be? Can we melt into accepting everything in this very moment? Who even is the one who ‘needs’ fixing? These are some pertinent questions to begin to look at the nature of avoidance and discomfort.
When we encounter a challenging feeling or sensation, we instantaneously go to the mind and thoughts for the reason ‘why’. Let’s say I have a sensation which is triggered by the belief that I am getting fatter, or putting on weight. This is a very relatable example in which comes with many off shoots which can go into the mind. We can complain about it, talk about the shame of it (inside with our own thoughts, or outside with others), make a plan for how we are going to change it, think about how we will eat differently, move differently. The mind goes on an expansive huge search for all the ways to solve the ‘problem’.
When we begin to deconstruct the actual ‘problem’ however, we can be much more objective about what is really going on. It starts with a sensation, which before we know it, is labeled in a flurry of thoughts. But at core, there is a sensation, maybe in the stomach area or another part of our bodies, but let’s say it feels uncomfortable to say the least. It could be much stronger also, it could feel like dread, shame, embarrassment, frustration, helplessness. Any of these words are sufficient to hold a magnifying glass on top of what is being experienced. But at core, it’s a sensation, which is inherently uncomfortable. Check now in your experience, do you feel what I am talking about? It’s like a contraction, a ‘no’ to what is here now, a ‘turning-away’ from, a ‘restlessness’ or a feeling of not being able to relax. It’s like there is a problem detected, and now something must be done about this.
Don’t get me wrong, the inherent instinct to solve suffering is natural, it’s just we generally are going the wrong way about dealing with it. We so often reach out into the world, and come up with all the plans and exhaustive lists and lifestyle changes to counteract this discomfort, but one thing is for sure, these will be temporary fixes, which when run their course and will land us back into this very same sensation - which is driving all the external searching.
So what’s the alternative? We learn how to be with sensation, for what it is. Sensation. How do we do this? Well let’s have a go now. Take a moment where you are sitting reading this. Notice where you have a sense of ‘no’, a turning away from a discomfort in the body. Perhaps you can relate to this contracted feeling of putting on a little extra weight lately, or having to heavily control life to prevent the fear of this very thing happening. Just pause where you are and just sense, where do you feel this in the body? In the stomach, or chest, or throat, or somewhere else? Just notice where your attention is drawn to - the first place, and just notice that place. Next - begin to become aware of what thinking is happening - thoughts like ‘this isn’t going to work’ or ‘what’s the point’ or ‘I don’t get it’ are very common. Confusion and frustration thoughts are very common here. Notice, they are thoughts. So you have the sensation - let’s say for now in the stomach, and you have thoughts. Just notice the sensation in your stomach, put your attention there. Don’t try to do anything, just feel, gently. Notice that there will almost instantly be a pulling away from that sensation, an unwillingness or a not wanting to. Notice this ‘no’ will always be in the form of a thought, or a ‘tugging away from’. This is the very moment I am talking about, begin to feel the discomfort, just to be aware of it.
Now you’re probably asking why on earth would we want to do this, to sit with it? Well principally because it is actually your direct felt access into Now. It’s here right now, so it is saying ‘yes’ to what is right here, right now. Secondly, it is actually beginning to train our ability to be in discomfort, so that when we move through life, we can experience it fully for what it is, as it is. We are not jumping into thoughts to quite literally disassociate from what is happening Now. By disassociate I mean we will pick up a whole thought narrative on top of what is right here right now, and end up dreaming about a future, or regretting a past which is providing the content of what is just happening right now. We can dream about a future of losing the weight, dream about feeling happier, smiling at ourselves in the mirror, stroking our leaner form in this moment too - but its a disassociated dream, on top of simply what Is.
I want to be clear, I am not talking about abandoning all plans and steps for a healthier life for example or never taking action again, action will naturally happen. I am talking about becoming aware of the mind mechanisms which promise a future, or blame a past, which invariably IS the cause of the present suffering. Stepping back from the thoughts and learning to feel the sensation, just as a sensation, without a label, and being curious about it, is your direct access into this very moment.
The more and more you do this, the more you will see, you have the capability to feel ALL sensations. You will begin to see that you have the capacity to Be in more and more situations and circumstances for What They Are, and not have to retreat into your private thinking system to blame, judge, condemn, scheme, self-attack etc. When we begin to lay down the mind apparatus more and more, we see that we can be here, right Now - in presence. This truly is the essence of Buddha nature. To allow this very moment to be here, as it is.
I love what one of my teachers said some years ago: “Receive this moment like it’s a train coming right at you”
This can upon first hearing, seem very intense, notice that this also is a thought - of judging what it might be like. But how will you know, unless you try? You may be very surprised to find, that actually these uncomfortable sensations, when felt and turned towards, not only teach you that you have the capability to feel them, but that you can be more and more free to experience every turn that Life brings.
